May 20, 2011
My Dearest Vampire Academy Series,
When I first met you I was skeptical. We didn’t have that instant spark that so often happens when one falls in love.
I met you briefly but then moved on with my life and met another. That love affair was short lived, as you know now, because I came back to you so soon after our first encounter. Even without that immediate connection, there was something about you I couldn’t walk away from forever.
We may not have found love at first sight. But when I met you again, I wasn’t the same person I was the first time around. This time I was looking at you with my eyes wide open. This time I was willing to let you in.
And oh, how you came charging into my life. You consumed everything else until there was just you and me and by doing so you have forever changed me.
You are burned into my memory for however long I shall live. And even though we have been apart for so long now, I still remember our time together as if it happened just yesterday. My memories of you still haunt me, as I know they will for many years to come. But someday I hope to look back on our time with a smile rather than the sadness I feel now.
You are not easily replaceable in my heart and in my mind, for our time together was much longer than I’ve had with most others. And the road we journeyed on was not an easy one.
There were times I thought I’d lost you. Where you shocked me so deeply I didn’t think I could recover and I was so afraid that you would move on without me.
And throughout our time together, you continued to play with my heart as if it didn’t mean a thing to you. You would dash it to pieces only to give me the faintest of hope, to keep me coming back for more. And you knew I would. You knew the power you had over me.
And during those times you walked away from me, I went back over what we had just been through, revisiting each and every moment, trying to see if there was something I could have done differently. Something I could have done to prevent the outcome that almost seemed inevitable.
You left me five times, and with each departure I was sure you would come back, but never knowing who you’d be when you returned. And with each return you brought with you both the light and the dark. Even if toward the end the darkness always outweighed the light. But I was always just so glad to have you back that I was willing to accept whatever it was you gave to me. And even when I knew that I would be torn asunder when you’d leave.
I learned things about you that I never imagined you to be when we first met. There was a cruelty to you, one that became apparent the more I got to know you. I think you took pleasure in leaving me heartbroken, empty and alone. Your words were your weapon and you were ever so skilled at wielding them.
But you also had such determination. You had a goal you were striving for, and I am so glad you were able to reach that goal, even if it meant the end for us.
When you left that final time I knew the end had come. But that last time we were together you gave me something you never had before – a sense of calm. It was that peace you gave me that helped me move on. Readied me to find someone new. Enabled me to look back on what we had without regret, even though there is still that pain that comes with “the end.”
I miss you now, and I know I’ll miss you for a long time. You shared so much of yourself with me along the way. And I shall cherish everything – the highs and the lows, the joy and the pain.
But, I will take some comfort knowing that we ended when we should have. And I’m glad you didn’t stay just to keep everyone else happy, just to keep me happy. You wouldn’t have been happy, and that would have been the greatest crime you could have committed.
Though there are many days I wish we were still together, or could meet up once again, I know you had to move on. That you had to forget about the past in order to move forward. But I shall be keeper of those memories of you and of all the friends we lost along the way. And I will continue to hope that one day we can be reunited, even if only briefly, so that I can thank you for being such a meaningful part of my life.