Random Thoughts: On Being Anti-social
Mar 01
Being a part of this community means just that. BEING. A PART. Of this COMMUNITY. It means being social. Not anti-social. It means joining in. Not staying on the sidelines. It means being together. Not being apart.
While it’s very possible to be a book blogger and not be a part of this community, it is not likely that blogger will be a successful book blogger if they aren’t in some way connected to the community. Without the social component of book blogging how can one hope to grow their blog? Promote their brand? Reach new readers? Connect with authors and publishers?
Unless that anti-social book blogger has already achieved celebrity status before they even decide to start their book blog, they will have a much harder time finding success in book blogging. I doubt if Stephen King or J.K. Rowling decided to blog about books they’d need to utter a single “peep” on Twitter or respond to a single comment to have a legion of followers.
Socially quiet celebrities aside, the rest of us have to achieve some level of sociability in order to succeed. Yet many of us in this community have a tendency toward being the opposite of social. We like to keep our noses buried in books. We like to share our thoughts via the written word versus the spoken one. We’d much rather hang out with a few close friends than attend a large-scale event with thousands of strangers.
And yet to be a book blogger with a modicum of success we must push past those tendencies, those fears, and reach out to others, interact with others, connect with others.
Not always the easiest of feats at the best of times. A near impossibility at the worst.
But in order for us not to see a dip in our stats, to watch our follower count diminish, to witness our online friends make new friends, we have to constantly keep ourselves a part of the social. Even when we don’t feel up to it.
Because while for most of us blogging is a “hobby,” in that most of us don’t get compensated for what we do, many of us choose to run our blogs like we would a business. And as such we can’t afford to retreat into our shells. We can’t hide out until we feel ready to reconnect. We can’t take a “time out” unless we are prepared to lose. Readers. Followers. Opportunities. Friends.
However, without that thing called a paycheck it’s that much harder to put on our smiling face – or even our snarky one – when we don’t feel like it. It’s hard to cheer for a book’s release when we feel anything but cheery if our lack of joy won’t result in our rent being unpaid. It’s hard to join in the conversation when we don’t feel like we have a single word to contribute if our absence won’t result in the termination from our employment.
And it’s the opposite of easy to be a participant when not lured in by the almighty dollar if we don’t know, don’t like or don’t trust those we must participate with.
For those of us who look at their blogs as a business and themselves as the face of their brand, it’s easier to get that game face on. The idea of backsliding after all the effort in building their brand can help to motivate them to keep going when everything inside of them says to step away. And if being social is a key component of what makes them a success, then they have even more incentive to “suck it up” than those who derive their success from other aspects of blogging.
But even for those bloggers who don’t wish to see their traffic decrease, their followers find new bloggers to follow, their brand begin to tarnish, stepping into their online persona when it is just so easy to stay offline can be a challenge.
So what can be done?
When you’re just not in the right headspace to answer those tweets, respond to those comments or check those emails there are a few things you can do so as not to completely alienate those loyal to you.
Take a break.
Take a day. Take a few days. Take a week. Sometimes just stepping away from the social for a short time can get you back to where you want to be. People will understand your need for “you” time. But be sure to let everyone know before you do.
- Send out a tweet letting everyone know you’re stepping away for a little while and will respond when you return.
- Set up an automated reply on your email to let everyone know that you won’t be looking at – or responding to – any email during your absense.
- Write a blog post. If your absence is going to be for longer than a day or two, let people know via post that you won’t be around even though you might have scheduled posts going up while you’re gone.
As long as you keep your followers informed they should be understanding about your need to take some time for you.
Write a post.
Sometimes the best way to get yourself back into the mood to be a part of the social sphere is to share your thoughts and feelings about your current lack of sociability. Reading other people’s comments who relate, commiserate, sympathize or empathize with your plight can often be the boost you need to get back into the game.
Attend a bookish event or signing.
You don’t have to announce who you are. Just go. Listen to those authors talk about their craft, read a passage from their latest release, share their enthusiasm for what they do with their readers.
If books are what you are passionate about, hearing from the authors can really help remind you of just why you do what you do and make you want to once again be a part of the conversation.
Re-read a favorite book or dive into a new book you’ve been dying to read.
While the act of reading itself might keep you away from the social for a few hours, reading a book that you just can’t help but want to talk about with others might be enough to entice you back into the community.
You became a book blogger to share your thoughts with other like-minded readers. And if you’ve read a book that has you squeeing with excitement, freaking out because of an oh em gee moment, or going crazy because of an insane cliffhanger ending, resisting the temptation to share those emotions won’t be easy. So why resist?
Bookstrap – a.k.a. fake it ’til you make it.
While I’m not the biggest believer in bootstrapping, for some it really does seem to work.
If you don’t feel social, be extra social. If you don’t want to respond to any email, respond to them all… or if your email box is out of hand, then tackle as many as you can handle. If you don’t want to share your thoughts on Twitter, share as many as you can get away with without looking a bit mad. If you’re not in the mood to tell Facebook “what’s on your mind” do it anyway. Even if whatever is on your mind isn’t of the happy, happy variety.
Just do something. And do it quickly.
Because doing nothing, floundering between being completely anti-social and semi-social, will distance you from the community whether you meant for that to happen or not.
Everyone understands the need to go quiet for awhile. The need to be completely anti-social. But patience and understanding only last for so long. And if you choose to be a part of the community, then it means BEING a PART of the COMMUNITY. You can’t have it both ways.
But that’s what I think. What about you?
Do you feel the need to take a step back from the social now and again? How has it affected your standing in the community? How has pulling back affected your followers on social media?
Has taking a break helped you realize that you missed the social aspects of book blogging more than you disliked, grew weary of, or were frustrated by them? Or has it made you realize that you prefer quiet solitude to community?
And if you have found yourself in a particularly anti-social mood, what have you done to combat it?
I think I’m more on the side of taking a break than pushing myself to be extra social, but when I come back to social things I feel more inspired to try and connect with people more rather than force it.
Granted, time off is a luxury; especially when you have a blog or a book to promote, it does seem like taking time out is counterproductive even if it’s to recharge your batteries. I think it’s really all about balance and knowing yourself and what you need to do to be productive, but also happy.
Being social the hardest part of blogging for me. I’m just naturally an anti-social person. I’m actually very good at going entire days without speaking a single word to anyone but my mom and my dog. Even at school where I was surrounded by people, I could go to every class and not speak.
I’m trying to be social, and I’m starting to become more comfortable with it, but I’m really doing that whole “fake it til you make it” thing. It’s just hard for me to connect with people.
Well I am happy to say that I have not found myself feeling anti-social, yet. I am sure my day will come. I have stepped away due to getting sick unexpectedly and found that my twitter and Facebook standings were fine, but that the traffic on my blog dropped.
There are times my life is so crazy that I don’t want to blog or can’t blog, last week I was only able to blog twice due to illness and my overloaded class schedule, that seriously caused my traffic to drop.
I have a tendency to be very active on Twitter and love to gab with anyone who will respond. So I guess I don’t have a real problem with being social.
Always good to hear your thoughts on things Rachel!
Woah… I literally just woke up from a massive hibernation over on my blog today. In a way, I do prefer solitude more than socializing with the big community. But I think it’s more of the fact that I’m a little scared and shy to approach other bloggers. I know it’s stupid because fellow bloggers are pretty awesome people. I just get intimidated by the already tight friendship and sometimes, I feel like I’m some random person down the street, eavesdropping on the convo then suddenly just butting in. I really want to be more social though so I’m working on it…
Great post, Rachel!
Even though a lot of us are seriously introverted but blogging is a fantastic way to interact with other fabulous readers. Leaving that first comment can be scary but it’s fun once you get into it. Bloggers are an awesome group of people!
Books are the ONLY thing I’m social about (as far as interacting with large groups of people I don’t know that well). My non-book blogging friends marvel when they come with me to book events because they’re used to me taking a backseat while they do the social part (dragging me along reluctantly), but at book events I’m like “Hey! I know I can’t wait for this or that!” to some random person sitting next to me.
I’m tempted to say its because we all have a common interest, but I think its because I’m so passionate about books and love to hear recommendations and other people’s insights that I just ignore that bubble of fearful anxiety in my excitement.
I feel like most of my breaks are not really my choice. I love to be part of the blogging world but I’m a full time med student and sometimes I have too much going on with quizzes, homework, and midterms in order to get on here everyday to respond to everyone. Sure I notice the post views dropping and it makes me sad that I don’t have time for everyone all the time but I make do.
I think at the end of the day I often have to weigh how important commenting is vs. getting a good grade on a test lol.
I have social anxiety, so it’s hard for me to be social. I try my best though
At the moment I am taking a mini twitter break. I have been around a little, but not as much. I have been getting too sucked in and getting behind on other things so I needed to step away. I have made sure to tweet about it and I still respond to tweets sent to me, but I haven’t been really jumping into conversations or anything that will result in me ending up on twitter for hours. I do think everyone needs a little break once in a while, but like you said. Let your readers and followers know if that’s what you are doing.
I have had to take a few brakes in my time as a blogger. I am not the most social at the best of times but each brake did take its toll. When my desire to social returned I just tried to make the best of it. You can’t be what you are not. And I am not uber social or consumed with the motivation to be uber social. So I miss out on a lot of opportunities. I try not to be too sad about it and just make the best of it. I really just have a hard time with balance. I absolutely love books. That is the whole reason I got into this. So I want to spend most my free time reading. Second to that I love to talk about what I read. Mostly though at this time of life I have little kids. And they won’t be little forever. Before I know it they will have flown the coop and I will be alone with my books. Perhaps then I will be able to be more social. Until then I can just try and take the lumps with the sugar. Great discussion.
I actually went through a rough period at the end of last year and took almost two months off. I had lost my joy for reading, blogging and being “social” in general. Part of this came from trying to do too much, blogging, attending too many events and pushing myself beyond what I knew I could do well. I work a full time job and began blogging years ago as a fun hobby. Fast forward a few years and here I am with obligations that I had not anticipated. The pressure to stay on top of things and to be somewhat competitive are overwhelming and it can be a slippery slope but I learned through this experience that I have to be happy with myself….If that meant that I would only blog once a week or attend an event from time to time or never get on twitter ever again then that would be my choice. I returned to blogging at the beginning of the year and I am in a much better place, my love for books, reading and blogging is back and I have a renewed passion to be more socially active.
I stand behind anyone that needs to take a break. In fact I recommend it, maybe not as long as I took off but a few days wouldn’t hurt. I think it helps one focus better and get a renewed energy toward their passions. I do recommend what you have stated, let your followers know what is going on and every one should understand.
When I’m feeling antisocial I join a read a thin or twitter party to meet new bloggers!
I was curious about this post when reading Smash’s weekly review. As an author, I feel impressed by how much book bloggers consider their book blog to be a business. I know you have busy lives and I’m in awe of bloggers posting daily, let alone supporting each other’s blogs. It makes sense you’d need a break from time to time.
Great post Rachel. In many ways I felt you were talking directly to me. Sometimes I find myself back in my shell, hiding way deep down in that nice cozy hole I’ve made for myself. I’m forever feeling like that awkward blogger who doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t want to jump in the middle of a conversation, etc.
I get so stuck in that never ending feeling/cozy hole that it’s hard to find a way out and become social again. I try and often I know it’s not hard enough but I do. It’s something I need to work harder on. I need to find the happy medium for me as a blogger
Thanks for such a great post Rachel!
Great post. I’ve definitely not been as active on social media, commenting on other blogs, etc. just because between 3 jobs, 2 kids and volunteer work I just don’t have the amount of free time to keep up. I definitely noticed my numbers have taken a hit but I’ve come to accept that. I started my blog for myself and while I love the community I have to find a balance.
I’ve taken mini-breaks prior to this just because it got to the point where I did start to feel like an outsider. I just don’t have that outgoing, funny, amusing personality a lot of the other bloggers I know have. So even when we would get together I’d feel out of place and like a tagalong. Rather than let it get to me I had to take a step back.
All in all though I do have to say I miss a lot of the interaction I used to have not to mention I miss out on a lot of great books now that I’m not stalking blogs every day
Being social is actually a blogging goal of mine. I tend towards being a loner in “real” life, so it’s much easier to be one online too. I just find it difficult. It might sound silly, but I almost don’t know how to “break” in to talking to people. I leave comments on blogs, tweet at people once in a while.
I dunno. I’d like to be more social and make blogging friends, but it just seems to come last. I always need to be reading or working on reviews in my spare time, and I end up rarely checking my Twitter feed, or scrolling past tons of spam on it.