Random Thoughts: On Rejection…and Being Ignored
Oct 24
No one likes rejection. Sure, it may make us stronger as individuals, but being rejected hurts. If someone says it doesn’t, chances are they’re not being honest with either themselves or with you.
And being rejected can feel personal. Even if it’s not… or not always. Because the reality is, sometimes it is personal.
But the hard, cold truth is that not everyone can be accepted. Not everyone will make “the list.” And not everyone will be adored by all.
In fact, most will be rejected. Most won’t make “the list” or any list. Most won’t even be noticed by a large majority. Most won’t even get rejected as, more often than not, most will simply be ignored.
As book bloggers this can be a painful realization, which can sting even more when we get that first rejection from NetGalley for a book we were just dying to read early. Especially when we see our fellow bloggers getting those acceptance emails and reading that title we so desired to read. We can often feel as if we are the only ones being shunned. But we’re not.
Because most of us don’t run to Twitter and lament our misfortunes. We go there to crow about our successes. So it may seem that we are the only ones in the blogosphere to have faced rejection. But we’re not.
And when the day comes when we finally muster up the courage to reach out to a publisher to request a title, when we feel we’ve finally put in enough time, enough hard work and enough effort to be deserving, and we still get rejected, it’s a crushing blow. And we’re left with the questions – What did we do wrong? Were we not professional enough in our outreach? Were we not coherent enough in our reviews? Are our blogs not popular enough? Are they not good enough? Are we not good enough?
And when our thoughts make it personal, oh how it can hurt. Because we can’t always change who we are. We can’t make ourselves as “liked” or “as good as” or “as deserving as” someone else. We can’t be that “popular” blogger who gets showered with acceptance. We can’t make people like us just because we want them to.
But although it may feel as if we’re the only ones in the blogosphere getting rejected time and time again, we’re not. We all face rejection at one point or another. Some perhaps more than others, but we’ve all been there. Even the most “popular” bloggers don’t get every title they want. Not every interview request they make receives a “yes.” And not every publisher keeps them top of mind for every tour or promotional event. Even if it may seem that way.
Rejection is a part of blogging. It’s a part of life. Bloggers get rejected by publishers, authors and other bloggers. For review titles, for promotional events, for interviews and guest posts. Publishers and authors get rejected by bloggers, too, for those very same things. Even authors face rejection by publishers and bloggers. No one is immune.
But it’s how we handle ourselves that matters in the long run.
If we pick ourselves back up, shake off the hurt, realize that more likely than not it’s not personal, we can go back to doing what we do. Blogging. Because we love books and authors. Because we love the friends we’ve made in the community. Because we love sharing our thoughts. And because we didn’t start our blogs - most of us - to get “free” books. We don’t blog to feel acceptance. We don’t blog to be popular.
And eventually we’ll be brave enough to reach out again. And again. Even if we get that rejection more often than not. Even if we never get accepted. But without risking rejection we will never get the chance to be accepted. And if… no, when that happens, it makes every rejection worth it… almost.
We just can’t make it about us. If it becomes too personal we won’t be able to take that sting over and over without feeling too discouraged to continue. Publishing is a business. And our blogs, whether we like it or not, are part of that business if we choose to make it that way.
If we ask for a publisher’s title, if we request an author or other blogger’s time, we have to see ourselves as they might. From a business standpoint. We have to think about our audience, reach, marketability. And we have to be ready to face rejection just like everyone else.
And when that rejection comes we have to be able to take it like a professional would. Gracefully. Understanding that it’s not because we are unlovable. It’s not because we aren’t deserving. It might just be that we aren’t the right fit. Or we haven’t yet reached the level of success that is needed for that particular title or event.
The fact that we even merited a rejection can be a plus – though it may not feel that way. Because it’s more likely that our outreach will be ignored. We won’t get a response. We’ll never know if the recipient got our request, if it got caught in spam, if it got buried in a crowded email box, if it got lost in a frenzied Twitter timeline. Or if the recipient just didn’t feel it was worthy of a response.
We can, of course, reach out again on the off chance that our initial outreach was missed. But if we are ignored once again, we may still not have answers to our questions as to why.
At least with a rejection we have an answer. We are noticed, even if the outcome isn’t to our liking.
Being rejected… or ignored… is painful. That pain doesn’t lessen the more it happens. While we may develop a thick skin so that we can handle it better, more gracefully, more professionally, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting like ten thousand tiny needles stabbing us in the heart. Making us feel undeserving. Making us feel lesser.
But we’re not.
We just need to remember that we are not the only ones who have to face it. Every blogger we “meet” has faced it, continues to face it. And every author whose books we covet has faced it.
We are not alone.
And while it may hurt to get “dinged” for a title we wanted, it may just be that the very title we desire had, at one point or another on the way to publication, received its very own rejection.
Wow!!! Such strong words and great advice.Though I have yet to try for any of those things, I am still too new, the fear of being rejected is huge. Bloggers just have to remember why they started blogging in the first place, the love of sharing what we love! Thanks for this!
Thanks! You’re exactly right in that we have to remember why we started blogging. And as long as you don’t take the rejection personally it really is not a big deal. It happens to everyone. It’s better to get the request out early just anticipating a rejection, then the next time you reach out perhaps there won’t be one.
This is so true and you said it beautifully! We all will be rejected, more times than not, but we will never know unless we try.
Thanks Theresa! And yes, I’d much rather take a chance and face rejection than sit on the sidelines kicking myself for never having taken a risk. Granted I really don’t request anything much anymore in terms of ARCs, but I’m so glad I took a chance and reached out to authors for our event last summer. It was so worth the risk. I’ll never regret that choice.
Lovely thought as usual Ms. Rachel.
Why thank you Ms. Heather!
Very nicely written post! Yep, it’s something we all go through! Everyone will have beginning stages of their blog. I try SO hard with my blog and still end up getting disappointed when not a lot of people sign up for my challenges or I don’t get accepted for a review copy – It’s hard not to take personally. I work really, really hard on my blog and it’s something that I enjoy a LOT. So yep, the rejection stings, but you can’t have it all! I know for me, a lot of it is just going to be time and experience before I can be a “star blogger” – and even still, that may never happen! Only time (and hard work) will tell
Thanks Brittany! There are so many reasons why people might not sign up – having absolutely nothing to do with you personally. But if you’re doing a challenge because you want to do it, for you, to share your love of a book or author, then it’s worth it. Even if just one person signs up. It could be timing, the book itself, anything. Just keep hosting them if you love them!
If you love what you do, love your blog, and are proud of the content you put out that, I hope, is enough to make you continue on and on even if you never reach “star” status. I’m not even sure what that is. I think I only know a few blogs who’ve been around for ages that I suppose would be “stars.” But not because people love them unconditionally but because they’ve worked hard, for a long time, and for that I respect them. Because it’s definitely not easy. But whatever your goals are for your blog, I definitely wish you the best of luck in reaching them!
Is it weird that I feel like you’re my own person blogging mentor/cheerleader?
I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like this. I just love your posts so much! Just want you to know how inspiring I find your thoughts and perspective. I really value your insight and am so thankful that you share it with all of us!
No, not weird at all.
Though I am probably the world’s WORST cheerleader. LOL. Seriously though, thank you so much. I can never tell if my perspective is right or on point, but it’s mine. So when I can actually be semi-coherent I try to share that here on the blog. I think I have more “failed” thoughts posts in drafts than I have published though. LOL.
Such a great post! I love how you said , “If we pick ourselves back up, shake off the hurt, realize that more likely than not it’s not personal, we can go back to doing what we do.” I totally agree! I remember my first rejection. Though at first I was affected by it, later on it helped me become more passionate about blogging.
Thanks! And as long as you could get past it and not let the rejection take you down then it was a good thing… sort of. You just have to keep moving forward. It really isn’t the end of the world. And thankfully most of the time it’s very private, so far less awkward when it happens.
Nice post Rachel! As always!
Aw thanks Mindy!
Fantastic closing lines! Love love love this post.
Oh thanks Braiden! They just sort of fell out of my head onto the page.
Love, love, love this post. I am not so very good at picking myself back up. But time seems to help. And eventually I try again. One day it might just work. I usually console myself with the fact that I would rather be me than someone else. I wouldn’t be able to keep up all the work it would take to be someone else. Thanks for the topic. It is nice to hear that others, especially those who seem uber popular, understand rejection.
You might have just helped me to pick myself up. The way you put it I would rather be rejected than ignored. 
Thank you Ephrielle! And I’m so sorry. I hope you don’t let it get you down for too long. Just keep trying and I can only imagine the rejections will be fewer and fewer as time goes on.
And agreed, I couldn’t imagine trying to emulate someone else, it would just be too hard. I’d much rather be me, even if it means getting the rejections.
Being rejected is always better than being ignored, unless you find out that you weren’t ignored just that the email was lost. But everyone – celebrities, authors, moviestars, musicians – have been rejected. Not every actor gets the part they try out for. Not every artist sells their painting for millions. It’s a hard world and only a few are huge successes and even they face rejection.
I always love your insightful posts. They are so well written and said. I couldn’t agree more on so many counts and it is a nice reminder to not take things personally and to remember that even those we deem “Better” than us get rejected too.
Thanks for this post Rachel!!
Thank you!
We really have to try not to take things too personally, though it’s hard not to. But I’ve seen so many bloggers and friends get so down about not getting a book or being ignored and I hate seeing so many blogs shut down just because they feel discouraged.
But it really is just a business. And my blog, for example, just doesn’t get the traffic that someone else who markets themselves better or who is more “popular” does. So of course I won’t get showered with books and requests. If I took it personally I’d probably just cry all the time and give up. And I love rambling too much for that.
Though I never like to see others as “better” – some may be more deserving, more trafficked, more hardworking, more dedicated, more social, nicer, more friendly. But “better” is a word I try to avoid, because that makes me worse. I hope I’m not worse…
Well said. It’s true what you said. As an author, I’ve had lots of rejection from both publishers and bloggers. I’ve also been ignored and your right, that is worse. I was so thrilled when you agreed to review one of my works because, in my opinion, your blog is fantastic. One of my favorites! I’ve been a follower for a long time, and have always enjoyed reading your reviews.
All book bloggers are special people. You spend your precious time to help authors promote their work with no pay and sometimes little thanks. So, from me to all of you, thank you for what you do. For your time, your commitment, and your passion. It is appreciated!
Rejection and being ignored really does hurt. It’s hard saying “no” by email so sometimes ignoring is just easier. Sometimes it’s just safer. Unfortunately. And sometimes things do just slip through the cracks. Darn those spam filters!
I can’t speak for all bloggers but in my case, I lose a lot of emails. I have way too many blogs and get lots of notifications and if I miss a day, they skip to the next page and it’s as if they aren’t there. It’s so terrible!
Thank you so much for saying my blog is fantastic. I don’t know about that, but I take pride in the fact that I work hard at making it the way I like it.
Most book bloggers – at least the ones I know well – do it for the love of doing it and for the authors. Promoting them so they sell more books so they can write more books is what it’s all about!
And yes, I’ll be posting your review on my other blog on Tuesday!
Great post Rachel
I really enjoy reading your random thoughts. I wish I can live in your mind even for a day! ^__^
Thanks so much Maricar! I don’t think you’d want to live in my mind. It’s a scary, cluttered place. It goes very, very fast all the time with all sorts of things. It never shuts down. No matter how much I want it to.
I have been blogging for years and I still get rejections, or more often, I’m ignored. And sometimes it does hurt. I have learned to not let it bother me, but sometimes I then see that book I was rejected for on a newer, smaller blog and that makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. The thing is, we all don’t have the same contacts, so some publicists may send out books to more bloggers while the other is more conservative. So its not always going to be fair, but it is what it is…
This is a great post and hopefully some bloggers that think they are rejected more than others will see that’s not true. Even some of the biggest blogs don’t get all the books they want.
It does feel awful never knowing why. Why some bloggers just get on the “list” and get scores of books sent their way while others have to ask and hope and cross their fingers only to be ignored.
And we don’t all have the same contacts. Some have more access to a bigger selection of titles with their pubs. Sometimes it isn’t about fairness but about luck. Sometimes it’s about networking or knowing the right people.
All that wondering just detracts from my enjoyment with blogging so I try to just stay happy with what i have and not request anything but NetGalley titles and the occasional Edelweiss. Though boy does it still sting to get the rejection emails on those!
Thanks Candace! And it is true that bigger bloggers don’t always get every title. I see the disappointed tweets from those I could never imagine getting rejected.
This was a great post! I think you said a lot of things that we as bloggers (and as human beings!) need to remind ourselves of from time to time.
Thanks so much!
You are so eloquent in your posts! I never even thought about book bloggers getting rejected for books they’ve requested. That does sound awful:-( I spent 3 yrs of being rejected and ignored before someone finally said they’d publish my novel. It made me stronger, and made the triumph feel that much sweeter, but having patience through it is a damn hard thing to do.
Oh thank you! We get rejected all the time. It’s not nearly as painful as getting rejected for a labor of love like writing a novel but it still stings. Especially when your peers aren’t getting rejected.
I can imagine, though, that for an author, when you do get published it’s the sweetest of rewards. The ultimate validation! Congratulations on landing a publishing contract!
But yes patience and keeping your spirits up can be hard before that happens.
I read this post… O_O that’s a win for me right?
This is like a really hard topic for me… specially because it happens too many times that it sometimes gets to overshadow all the good stuff…
But here I am, aren’t I?
…
^___________^
I am just happy with being able to read what I manage to get over here and be thankful for it.
#1stalker
I think this post is so very true. I get rejected more than people realize. i think people think bloggers get lots of free books and that’s not true. Some or most of us have to work really hard to get what we get and to make that contact/relationship with the publisher, authors, successful. Also i sometimes have to say no to review requests for a lot of different reasons. Book don’t fit my criteria, or I’m just too backed up.